Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
