i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
