Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
