I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
