i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
