On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
