community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
