honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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