If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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