Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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