that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
