i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
