We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
