Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
