dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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