Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have post one night stand depression
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