i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
