Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
