Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
