margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
