i already hear my dad disowning me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
