And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
