too bad you live with your parents still
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
