nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
