i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
