When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
