That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
