My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
