I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
