So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
