It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
