that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
