Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
