we have pet lesbian snakes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
