How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
