32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
