I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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