I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
