Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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