He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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