i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
