i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
PANTIES FOUND
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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