you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
