girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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