someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sorry about my life...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
