So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
