high people should be assigned attendants
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
