I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
