The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
