Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
