I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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