Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
