Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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