i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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