just tell him i said nine months
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
