i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
