so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
