matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
